Saturday, 15 April 2017

Bipolar Sucks but there's light at the end of the tunnel!

Months of being so well, then.....

It's true, Bipolar sucks and I wish I didn't have it. With all my supplements, I achieved wellness for 6 whole months! That is a record for me in 8 years of having Bipolar. BUT the only reason I have gone down is due to my step-dad being diagnosed with Cancer and other health problems, with only weeks to live. So really that's a completely 'normal' response and I should see this as NOT a failure and that the reason isn't because of the Bipolar.

I keep having angry outbursts that happen out of nowhere, mostly in the car!

Feeling worth it

Of course, everything has gone to pot, including the most important factor in keeping me well and that's my life's purpose. If I don't have a career, I don't seem to cope with life and having nothing to do is just not for me, You'd think that having 3 children, hobbies or volunteering would satisfy me but it doesn't. I seem to have a need for earning money when I don't have to. I have this compulsion, as a serial entrepreneur, to keep trying new ideas.

I set myself up for failure because I believe 'this is the one', 'this is my purpose' and ultimately my weaknesses crack those beliefs into a thousand pieces.

What are my weaknesses

Not many people will like admitting their weaknesses in case it leaves them vulnerable. I think if you keep stumbling over the same issues time and time again, it's silly not to admit that theses are weaknesses.

List of the things that cause me to stop working;

Pressure
Expectations
Wanting solitude
Punishing myself
Perfection
Unspoken rules I set myself
People

I've tried employed and self-employed, no matter how well and strong I am, I give up with the first sniff of a problem. Don't get me wrong, I work hard at anything I do and I try my hardest for things not to affect me. I've even gone so far as understanding things get worse during certain cycles of the moon and my periods.

Professionals

Yes, I've had help from many different professionals and I know I need more. The people I need are out of my financial capabilities I'm afraid. I'd love to hire some excellent NLP practitioners and hypnotists, as so far I haven't found the right ones. I do have a list of other treatments I'd like too. My priorities lie with keeping the family afloat first and I come last.

Hobby

I need to find a hobby to take my mind off things and keep me active........do you know what that is?
WRITING! Yes, I'm going to blog. So see you next time I blog!