Been deep in Bipolar, PTSD and BPD symptoms.
The last few months have been tough, I guess at least half of this year has been taken away by these illnesses. People don't know you're ill because you just disappear and you're not well enough to approach anyone for help. Mental illness is a silent one for many and just close family/friends see the consequences. But for me, you may have no real close friends and family ties have been cut. Your close partner only knows who also doesn't have close friends or family.
It's lonely feeling like you're not part of the whole
I've found myself staying away from everything, unable to cope with very simple tasks even being a part of Facebook. It is really hard to communicate, something that people don't understand when they have seen you completely happy and 'normal' previously - so whats the problem?
The problem seems to delve right down to a very simple fact, and that is the decisions that lay in front of me, like choosing to eat or not, seem to feel too hard to choose between and take action. You lack motivation yes but the stress of choosing seems so heavy that you want to run away. I'm not lazy or thick, I probably overthink stuff too much and expect perfection or I won't attempt anything at all.
Finding solutions
I had it in my head that my medication was making me worse because I felt that it must be causing the real me to disappear. I did try going down for a month and I only got worse so I went back up and felt completely dead. No joy, nothing effected me, so one extreme to another. I don't suggest doing this as I didn't go through the Doctor but when you're desperate, you just try what you believe might be the case.
Like I have said in below posts, I have tried taking supplements to help support me but when you get ill, I couldn't keep up the momentum of taking them everyday, so that wasn't a solution for me while ill.
I then researched healing crystals and now have quite a supply. It wasn't until I started wearing crystal jewellery that I got some results.
I choose the following;
You aren't meant to have anymore than 3 semi-precious stones on your person for them to work well. And my oh my have they made life easier for me, I can now make decisions myself. I feel more in control and happier. Whatever you struggle with, you can find a stone/mineral/crystal to help you. Just search for 'the healing of ...(your problem).... semi-precious stones' to find your own personal ones.
If you find them not working how you like, you have 2 options.
1. Recharge your stones by putting on the windowsill under the rays of the moon overnight
2. It could be you choose the wrong one for you or the combination doesn't work if you are wearing more than one. Check for interaction between stones as they can cancel each other out.
Don't stop trying
I know it's easy to give up hope and feel you just don't deserve to be here anymore.
Coping strategies are different for everyone but here are my top ideas for trying to get out of a hole;
- Please write down all the things you do like or love now or in the past to find something that may rekindle some meaning in your life. e.g. reading books, watching films, walking in a forest, going to the beach to go bear foot in the sand.....and so on. Push yourself to try one of these things to feel more human x
- Stretch the boundaries. So recently I have been hiding from the world on purpose and the longer it goes on the worse it gets. So the list above I've said to write, find some common things that you are missing. For me it was seeing people and seeing the world. What can you do as a baby step to try and see that things are still there for you to try. So i went for a walk in the woods with my partner and saw the beauty and felt the calmness. It did feel wonderful even though I couldn't express it.
- So hopefully you have stretched your boundaries at least once. So now your're going to plan lots of things so you can plan to do one a week every week. A goal to look forward to. To make this easy for myself, I downloaded a free app for my phone called Task Hammer, there are plenty of task helping apps to choose from. You put all the tasks you feel you need reminding of, even the basic stuff because thats what we struggle with. I put in brushing my teeth, watering the plants and then other things that I want to do and when. It reminds me then I get to tick I've done it (a milestone as such) and you get points to progress different areas in your life.
- My next task is to really push my boundaries by putting myself out there. I haven't told anyone because I want to do this. I've been an Avon rep 4 times before and each time it gave me back my confidence because I have to put myself out there and I need a task where there is a time limit but not stressful. I'm doing it for me, not the money. I know it will help me get out, so I'm really looking forward to it!
I will let you know how things go but do message me or comment below to tell me how you are struggling or how you have coped, succeeded or any positives. I would love to share the love.
Remember, nothing is a failure, its a learning curve to get to where you want to be. Everyone deals with stuff going wrong, its how you try to pick up the pieces that shows that you can do this, no matter what! I believe in you xxxx
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